Gulf Pine Catholic

8 Gulf Pine Catholic • August 30, 2024 Hello, brothers and sisters in Christ. Here is another insight from Deacon Justin, Director of Marriage and Family Life. I will give a series of insights on how to GROW healthy marriages and how to harvest the benefits of the growth. The insights that I will use are actually found in the Catholic Couples Bible. So, the first insight is on “Building Trust.” Trust is a cherished gift given in the building of a successful relationship. Growing out of love for each other, trust is a silent, unspoken expression of faith in your partner. It is a most prominent component of a happy life together. Trust is the ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife. Trust is the one thing in a marriage that takes the longest time to build, but just a very short time to destroy. If trust is not extended, it cannot be truly received. Realizing this early is key to the development of a loving and trusting relationship. We all expect our partners to be trustworthy persons but we tend to assume our own trustworthiness. Overlooking (or simply not acknowledging our own shortcomings) in the development of trust with our partner is often the reason trust breaks down in a relationship. To avoid this, resolve to stay faithful to your word in both intent and action. In other words, always say what you mean and mean what you say. Trust means creating an emotional safe place for your spouse. Because, when a rela- tionship is threatened we tend to become protective of each other. Effective communication and a strong faith will also help to improve trust in one another. As the years pass and you come to know each other better, trust will take on a new dimension. You will often hear couples that have been married for quite a few years make statements like, “She takes care of that for us,” or “He makes the decisions about that.” In these cases, trust has allowed each partner to speak and act as though they are one. The Bible provides a related story of trust in the book of Daniel. After having been the innocent party to an evil plot, Daniel was cast into a den of furious lions. It was Daniel’s trust in God that saw him through. As the king rose early the next morning and hastened to the lions’ den,he drew near and cried out to Daniel sorrowfully, “O Daniel, servant of the living God, has the God whom you serve do constantly been able to save you from the lions?” Daniel answered the king: “O king, live forever! My God has sent his angel and closed the lion’s mouths so that they have not hurt me” (Daniel 6:20-23). As Daniel had trust in God, so too must married couples extend trust to each other. Like Daniel, you will be faced during your marriage with many opportunities to demonstrate trust in your spouse. When you do so with a sincere heart, it is then that trust becomes a natural extension of your love for each other. Deacon Justin Mitchell is the Director of Marriage and Family Life for the Diocese of Biloxi. Marriage & Family Life Mitchell Building trust There I was, minding my own business one afternoon as I enjoyed doing another of my DIY projects. This time, it was painting my bed- room, both ceiling and walls. I was refreshing it as a tonic to be more conducive to my sleeping regime. My doorbell rang. Most visitors know that my backdoor is always open and they usually come to the back of my house. Armed with paint roller and painting pan, I answered the door. Outside were two priests who served with me in Mississippi. Father Louis, now retired from Biloxi diocese, and Father Mike O’Brien, a classmate from the Jackson diocese. My classmate greeted me when he saw me in my paint- ing gear, blurted out, “Tracey, you’ve gotten old.” Obvi- ously, I had. The last time I had met him was eleven years ago. My hair was still black and I had traded it in for a full fledged gray. At least, I still have a full head of it while his hair follicles had taken an early retirement and reverted, instead, to plentiful patches of baldness. His comments prompted this question. If we meet someone that we haven’t seen in a long time, we are often inclined to see how much they have changed, without thinking that, we ourselves, have also changed but that realization is minimal compared to the drastic change we notice in someone else. I wonder is it some kind of defense mechanism that we are more tuned into changes in others than in ourselves. Is it because others seem to change and get older faster than we do? And that perception might somehow delay our ac- ceptance of our aging process. A few weeks later, on a Thursday, I was at my favor- ite DIY store. I always visit there on a Thursday because Thursday is Seniors Discount day and I wish to take ad- vantage of getting an extra ten percent (10%) off any purchases. A young man, in his early thirties, was at the checkout counter. As I placed my purchases on the counter, I said, “Seniors Discount, Please!” The young man looked at me and said, “I wouldn’t think you are that age.” In other words, was I old enough to qualify for the seniors discount?” I told him that if he needed an ID as proof, I would give it to him, gladly. “No need” he assured me. So, every time, I visit that store and he is at the checkout counter, I don’t have to ask for the discount, he does it automatically already. Sometimes, I meet people who, when they find out that I am retired, simply say, “You’re too young to retire.” I just thank them, smile and move on. We often hear the phrase “aging gracefully.” How does one age gracefully in a youth obsessed society that tells us that our value declines as we age? When I have visitors from the United States, I always bring them to see the place in our town that is the world headquarters for the production of anti-aging promises -- Botox. I tell them, that if they want to enjoy the fountain of youth a little longer; just go and get a Botox injection. Instead of becoming a “greeter” at a WalMart, I have made lots of discoveries that otherwise I would have missed. I have dabbled in cooking and baking and haven’t poisoned anyone as a result. I have been doing my part for climate change by having my own organic vegetable plot where I can nurture vegetable seeds from propagator trays to soil-ready raised beds and watch them grow and produce as, later, they grace my family and neighbour’s dinner ta- bles. I have opportunities to enjoy immediate family again as well as neighbours who simply know me as “Michael.” I continue to be a tour guide for friends who decide to visit me from the States as I showcase my countryside for them. But most of all, retirement has given me an opportuni- ty to become more reflective; to journey within more and to try and discern the day-to-day feedback and its implica- tions I receive from such an adventure. I remember the old poem, “The Shape I Am In.” It be- gins: There’s nothing the matter with me. I’m just as healthy as can be. I have arthritis in both knees, And when I talk, I talk with the wheeze. My pulse is weak, My blood is thin, But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.” Yes, I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in. No thanks to Botox or a tuck here or there from a surgeon’s knife but, maybe, because of the genes I wear and they are not Levi’s. Someone once said that the “tragedy of life is that we get old too soon and wise too late.” I may have gotten older but I have a lot more wisdom to discover. Father Michael Tracey is retired and lives in Ireland. He can be contacted by email at mtracey1@bellsouth.net . His website is www.michaeltracey.net You’ve gotten old Across the Pond Father Tracey